what if i could answer my phone

i get nervous a lot i have a hard time talking to people. so any time my phone buzzes or rings my stomach twists. confrontation. i have to respond not like in life where i have carefully rehearsed lines
"how are you?"
"good thanks."
this is something new, do you want to go out tonight, can you pick up some milk on the way home, do you think birds have feelings?
"um"
i think i take to long to think, i make a lull in real conversation, thinking to much, thinking on any thing but small talk.
"how is your mom? i haven't seen here in a while"
"she is fine"
i murmur my why through food orders, i try to use the self check out at grocery stores, i walk face to the floor to avoid people looking, speaking, to me.
i have to respond to a text. little blinking conversations on my phone loud angry buzzing when they arrive. but they give me time to think. better late than never. i can think over things as long as i need. it might take me 10 minutes to respond but i have the question of a doubt. maybe she was studying, maybe she was in the shower maybe she did not hear it. when really i am holding my phone staring blankly typing and deleting 3 messages. but i think i am getting better, i can talk to my friends, and my family with ease, but new classmates, my job, they make me afraid.
"how are you?"
"nauseous from social interaction"